Liberated by Love
- Venessa Bowers, LCSW-C
- Jun 3, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 29, 2024
Without community there is no liberation. ~ Audre Lorde
Each June, I reflect on Pride Month. I think of the people who have loved me, shown up for me, accepted me without question and those people, by and large, are members of the LGBTQIA+ community. And I ask myself "How have I shown up for them? How have I loved them?" This reflection always ends the same: I have not done nearly enough.
So today, I want to talk about creating safe spaces where this community is protected. I believe that this is the major work of anyone claiming to be an "ally." Rainbow-washing is simply not it. Changing a logo or posting to social media about Pride doesn't scratch the surface of allyship. Its performative. And often, performativity is profoundly harmful.
When I think about the space I want to create and live within myself, I imagine a place where all of the pieces of me are welcomed and embraced. I want that for folx in the LGBTQIA+ community. I want a place where intersectionality is privileged and includes the Black community and the Latinx community.
Recently, a neighboring town mayor's decision to prevent the Pride flag from flying over city hall was made. Why? The mayor claimed he did this to be "fair and transparent," to be "neutral." Here's the thing, though. There cannot be any neutrality when people's lives are threatened on a daily basis. When their safety is constantly in question and their right to exist is up for debate. The only fair and transparent position the mayor should have taken is to say that "ALL people in this community are welcome here." He went so far as to say "in the same way, we would not place an Israel flag, NRA flags, or religious flags for events on other public assets" in his justification.
Full stop.
Let's just unpack that statement: The Israel flag is the flag of another country,
the NRA is a gun lobby, and religious flags are myriad. All of these are examples of false equivalency, which is a "cognitive bias by which events, ideas, or situations are compared as if they are the same when the differences are substantial" (newlit.org). False equivalency is a logical fallacy. It sounds true initially, but upon further examination, the bias is easily discoverable. These examples are not equivalent to flying the Pride flag because the LGBTQIA+ community, the Black community, or the Latinx community cannot choose their identities. Flying a Pride flag is about recognizing the right of LGBTQIA+ community to exist. Read that again. The RIGHT to exist.
For me, working on being a legitimate ally means calling out oppressive and unjust political positions. Be clear. This decision by the mayor is fundamentally political. It is a position of exclusion. All the LGBTQIA+ community is asking for is to be recognized. To be able to live in safety.
In order to create space for intersectional inclusivity, I personally have to interrogate my white, cisgender, heterosexual privilege and sit with the fact that this privilege is unearned because it is happenstances of my birth. I have to ask my similarly privileged counterparts to interrogate their own privilege because without doing that, there can never be equity.
We have to listen more and talk less. We can use whatever funds we have available to support candidates who will not co-sign policies and laws that harm marginalized communities. We can further open our wallets and support the non-profits who are committed to advocacy of the LGBTQIA+ community. We have to amplify the voices of this and other marginalized communities rather than inserting and centering ourselves in the dialogue. Let's be honest here, historically, liberal, white, cisgender heterosexual women have been profoundly dangerous to marginalized communities. The damage we as a group have done to marginalized communities cannot be ignored, whitewashed, or denied. We've done it. We have to do better.
Liberation is possible. But it takes tireless work, engagement, humility, and love. It is an existential battle for it will define who we are as humans - should we stand shoulder to shoulder with the LBGTIQ+ family or turn our backs on the injustice, marginalization, bigotry, violence, and threat, that surrounds them every day. I know where I stand. Do you?
Not sure where to begin? Here is a list of organizations who are focused on the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community. Go read about what they do and why they do it. Then get involved.
Finally, you can also build your understanding about the community and the challenges they live with daily by spending time reading the stories about and by people in this community. Please, please, do not ask members in the community to educate you. They do not owe you that emotional labor. There is a wealth of information online, in books, and in magazines to teach the history of and the current issues affecting the LGBTQIA+ community. Do your own homework and focus on humility when trying to support this community. You can do this with love and compassion. I believe in you and in me because you and me make we and WE can change things.
Happy Pride Month!
